The Voice

As they walk through the door, just one look in their eyes, Tells me, “Yes, it’s going to be one of those nights” The knot in my tummy starts heaving and weaving its way Through my system. The runaway train in action. Who knows if or when it will stop? It runs out of steam and eventually grinds to a halt, And I am left in the wake of that smoky bitter encounter. “Will this ever end?” I ask myself in the dark. “No”, I reply As my companion Despair wraps his arms around me, And together we wait for the dawn. What a snapshot. Then one day, I snapped, and shot them a glance which said, “No more. You can’t make me do that anymore. You can’t make me squirm and disappear with the elves Ever again. I’m here. I’m present. I’m strong, and I choose my own nights, My own encounters, my own mode of transport, to where I Choose to go…I think.” Another time, another place, another look, or should I say, “gaze?” Beckoning me to a place of safety with no tricks, no trains, no knots. Who ever imagined a...

Sometimes it can’t be heard It gets stifled by the louder other things. Things that mask and disguise it Things that try to protect its release If you listen carefully, really carefully Really want to listen you can hear it Faintly pleading, quietly longing to be heard But you don’t listen Your ears are filtered, just hearing those who are obvious and immediate But it’s still there, it does not leave the voice of my silent scream

I want to own my pain I want to set her free I want to give the world The little girl that’s me She’s been alone for so long She’s hidden away in fear She deserves to see the world And have a voice for them to hear She’s not the guilty party Her innocence was pure She was ever such a pretty girl Who has been treated like manure She has great hidden talent A light that shines so bright For she can make people laugh A gift that gives delight Her green eyes sparkle with delight A smile plays on her lips Ignore the many years Of pain showing on her hips. Image by "Anju Rajan".

There is a well of sadness That’s hidden deep inside A well of pain and bitter hurt For many years denied The child within cries alone For one who does not hear The child within has no one Does anybody care? She cries but no one listens Again she cries alone There is no one to comfort Do they have hearts of stone? She builds a wall around her To hide from all the pain People have to learn her trust Is not so easy to attain

Beyond the mask Our greatest fears Beyond the mask Flows uncried tears Beyond the mask Much pain and hurt The brokenness of a human heart. Beyond the mask Too deep to measure The thoughts and memories buried there No amount of pleasure can repair. Beyond the mask Bitterness and anger are strongly rooted Is there a love that can ever uproot this? Beyond the mask Dare we journey there? But the constant hate and turmoil who alone can bear? Beyond the mask That lonely place where no-one seems to care or love us. Yes, it’s such unpleasant ground, Yet it’s in this very same place that healing is found Beyond the mask Go deep,deep, deep beyond. God will you give the courage and strength to journey on. Beyond the mask Reality, truth and those inward parts the years so well conceal. Take off the mask, Begin to peel … How beautiful – when you are revealed!

Gaps in the graphics, Always knew they were there, But stuff I saw made me More reluctant to share It was fresh, it was new, Never been there before, And the scary specifics Made me feel like a whore I know if I trust You I’ll come out the other side, With more freedom than ever, Nothing to prove, lose, or hide. Gaps in the graphics, Want them to stay as they are Then once and forever, That ship can sail  afar.

There is a reflection of pain in her eyes, as she fights back tears. Trying to figure out why she has put up with it all of these years. Innocence gone. Just taken away. Struggling to deal with it and be free someday. Tries to tell someone but no one believes her cries. Just another young girl getting some attention through lies. Suicide has crossed her mind but she will not go out that way. Thinking well maybe if he can't find me, he just won't rape me today. Perfect smile. Broken soul. Living in this situation that she just can't control. Things get worse and he beats her more. Loses all self respect for herself when he comes through that door. Fed up and full of hope she tried to fight back. He pulled out a knife, all she saw was black. Out of her misery and out of her pain. Put her in such a place that she can't even explain. But she tried to tell someone although they didn't believe her cries. Just maybe if someone would have listened....

Abuse has become a daily routine  in our society today, it is an act that has become so repant in our society today that most people have accepted it as part of their lives, alot of people have embraced this societal beast because they are tired of fighting and because they no longer have the voice to speak for themselves because this beast called " abuse " has stolen their voices. But here is a question for all of us, a question that has been bothering me and I think that it's time we look into it.   How  long can we continue to sit back and watch this beast called abuse steal our voices?   Don't we think that it's time we stand up for ourselves and fight against this beast? Yes you might be comfortable in your homes happy that you are not a victim or your child isn't, but what about those who are? What about those who are broken and destroyed because of this beast? Don't you think that they deserve a better life, and those that no longer h...

Depression (Spoken Word) Depression… what is depression?  It’s not just sadness or an absence of gladness or absolute madness. It’s a disease that takes everything out of you but people don’t see it that way They say just let it go away and tomorrow will be a brighter today But there are no brighter today's just worse tomorrows filled with pain and sorrow. A feeling that’s unfathomable you see let me explain It’s like you’re chained in the pouring and thunderous rain in your brain only to find out that it’s a chemical imbalance causing this pain It’s being submerged into the darkness while others have light. It’s an everyday fight like a little kids fright at night. It’s being in a maze that has exits but you never find your way out. Yea you may get a little light but then before you know it your back in your drought. It’s being surrounded by everything and yet you still feel alone and no matter who comes to help you’re on your own. So who can you blame? Yourself...

Sometimes there's a cloud Hanging over me No matter where I look Despair is all I see. I ask God to remove, The gloom in my way But, it remains no matter How hard I try to pray. The feeling is somber, Disheartening to say the least And I know it is coming From Satan that old beast. For he wants me to be, Discouraged and joyless He loves to make me feel Rejected and hopeless. Lord, sometimes there's a cloud Dampening my view But it simply dissipates The more I think of You.   Psalm 94:19 In the multitudes of my thoughts Within me They comforts delight my soul.

When all hope, Has gone out of you When the sea ahead Turns a ranging blue. Hold on to Jesus, Let Him be your light And the waves of depression He will help you fight. When all desire, Has gone out of you When the storm you are in Obscures your enternal view. Hold on to Jesus, Let Him be your rock And the winds of adversity He will begin to block. When all hope and desire, Has gone out of you You'll not be discouraged If Jesus you hold on to.

Disappointments come, Into everyone's life Some we can push aside Others cause inside strife. They have many shapes, But, with the same face For, hopelessness knows It's all about the chase. They can poke around, Or hit straight in the gut For depression only wants You wallowing in it's rut. They come in many forms But, with same attitude Making singing the blues Almost impossible to elude. Into everyone's life, Comes disappointment But, I have found God's word To be failures curing ointment.    PSALM 35:5 " O MY SOUL? AND WHY ART THOU DISQUIETED WITH ME? HOPE IN GOD: FOR I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM, WHO IS THE HEALTH OF MY CO

I'm reminiscing and imI missing, The childhood I never had. I'm triggering and I'm figuring, There were reasons to be sad. I'm supposing and I'm closing, In on all my childhood fears. I'm indicting and I'm inviting, The people behind my tears. I'm reflecting and I'm injecting, The power of God above. I'm unmasking and I'm asking, Why the child was void of love? I'm a hunting and I'm confronting, The abusers once again. I'm a hunting but I'm supporting, The courage of the child within. I'm remising and I'm dismissing, The notion that I was not good. I'm fearing but I'm a sharing, All aspects of childhood. I'm feeling but I'm dealing With all of my past issues. I'm dying and I'm a crying, So please pass me the tissues. I'm confiding and I'm not hiding, From the issues I must explore. I'm expressing and not suppressing, The child's feelings anymore...

Her smile was visible to all, Showing a dark secret From an insecapable memory Because of the lie she kept Telling herself. Showing a dark secret, The light was dimming Because of the lie she kept Telling herself. She tried to push the pain Aside. The light was dimming From an inescapable memory She tried to push the pain Aside. Her smile was visible to all.

Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room. Yet inside hides a girl with a Frown full of despair. Outside a girl with a beautiful Laugh that's contagious, Yet inside hides a girl Screaming her lungs out in Unwanted anger. Outside lives a girl who is Fearless and tough, Yet inside hides a girl full of Pain, wanting to die. Outside lives a girl with a Perfect image, Yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes. Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations, Yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion. What you see on the outside is her Personal disguise. What hides underneath, you can't even begin to imagine.

Don't believe my words, They're lies that I fabricate to Project a perfect life and Convince you I'm okay. Don't trust the smile you see, It's a facade to conceal, Searing pain,acute shame, Sheer heartache. Don't get fooled by my laughter, It is merely an echo Of hollow insides, yearning For senses to return. Don't get convinced by my Clarity and order; Borne in attempt to Control the choas And pacify the storm brewing Inside. Don't be blinded by The perfection I exude, The courage I fake, The innocence I feign, The confidence I wear- For I am broken.

    I'm left silent, I'm left in pain, You are so violent And completely insane. The way you touched and hurt me so well left my body crushed, and you could tell. But you loved me hurt, broken and bruised. When you'd rip my shirt, you'd yell lose And I always did for you were stronger, and whenever I hid, you hurt me longer. I didn't deserve it, but now I have no choice I'll have to endure it, for I have no voice. So forget me, but remember, I'll never forget you.